The Effects of Showing Favoritism
1:00 AM
Showing favoritism not only affects the least favorite child, it negatively affects all who are willingly or unwillingly involved. Every child wants to be the favorite until they are treated as the favorite. Parents, teachers, and any other authority figure showing favoritism are not only hurting the least favorite person, but they are also hurting the favorite person and themselves. Unfortunately, I have much experience with this topic. My class was the favorite class of one of my former educational instructors, and I was the favorite child of an authority figure over me. Throughout both situations, I had to watch my brother get hurt by it. Because I loved my brother very much, whenever he was hurting, I was hurting. When he became hurt and slightly bitter with the individuals who showed more love to me, I started to resent them. Of course, over time, we both forgave the individuals and asked forgiveness for the bitterness in our hearts.
Favoritism hurts the least favorite
The most obvious fact here is that favoritism negatively affects the least favorite. When we give one child ice cream and not the other, we are obviously hurting the one without ice cream. While this is the most obvious fact; so often, adults show favoritism without even thinking about it. I am the homeroom teacher for our school's 7th and 8th grade. I have students that I easily connect with and I have students that I do not have as much in common with. It would be easy for me to be chatty with the students that I easily connect with, and not talk to the others as much; however, even that would be showing favoritism. It is my job not only to connect with those that are easy for me to connect with, it is my job to connect with all of my students and give them the same amount of love, attention, and appreciation. My cousin is actually in 8th grade; however, that does not mean that I always call on him, give him candy, or help him more on a test than I would help others. He is my student, just like my other students.
I often assign my English students writing prompts on various topics. Recently, I posed the question "Have you ever been affected by favoritism?" It was interesting to me that all of them had except for a few. One 10th grade girl wrote about a sad story in which she had won a math fair at her former school according to the score, but her rival was announced the winner and given a trophy. My student was happy about winning second place until she found out that she actually had a higher score than the winner, and that her rival was the related to the principal; therefore, she was awarded the trophy. Although, my student was obviously hurt by this situation, several other people were as well. Her rival was hurt by this situation even though she might not have realized it. If she knew that her score was lower, but still received first place, then she was led to believe that she was more important than someone else just because of who she was, and that it was okay to cheat. If she did not know that her score was lower, than she was still hurt by believing that her work was superior to those that were actually better than her own. If she was able to compete at a national level, then she would soon find out that she was out of her league. Lastly, the principal's reputation was tainted because of this decision. People would now look at him as someone who was partial, and maybe even someone who could be bought.
Favoritism hurts the favorite
We can so easily see the theme of favoritism in the story of Joseph. Joseph was his father’s favorite son, and the rest of his brothers resented him for it. Soon, that resentment grew into pure hatred that led to them plotting Joseph’s murder and eventually selling their very own brother into slavery.
Genesis 37:4 - And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him.
When the educational instructor and authority figure in my life showed favoritism to me over my brother, it did not actually please me. Sure, at first when I did not realize what was going on, I loved the attention; however, when I realized that my brother was not actually getting the same treatment that I was, I resented both authority figures for a long time. I never asked to be the favorite. I never asked for the extra things that he did not get. Neither one of us did anything to deserve what happened, but thankfully unlike Joseph’s story, we grew closer because of it. Oftentimes, the favorite will feel bad for being the favorite. They will feel as if this is all of their fault and they are responsible for the hurt of others, when in reality, this is not the case at all.
Favoritism hurts the one choosing favorites
James 2:9 - But if ye have respect to persons, ye commit sin, and are convinced of the law as transgressors.
Matthew 18:6 - But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
According to CrossedExamined.org, three out of four young people leave the church when they move out of their parent's house. Some young people who leave the church do so because of hypocrisy inside the church. As Christians, we need to be showing Christ through our life. This means that we absolutely must treat everyone equally by not showing favoritism to one person over another. This includes not showing favoritism to those young people who obviously respect you to those who do not. You will never win the respect of anyone by showing that you believe that they are not as important as the person standing next to them.
Leave a comment and let me know if you have been involved with favoritism (either as the favorite or the least favorite).
Leave a comment and let me know if you have been involved with favoritism (either as the favorite or the least favorite).
10 comments
Thank you for sharing. I have seen this situation. I have a co-worker who is in our supervisor's office 5 to 7 times per day. The rest of us average once per week. In a recent meeting this frequent visitor made statements which implied what would our boss do without me and he said it in front of the entire team. Our supervisor said nothing but I think it affected the entire team. I had never thought about the favorite person getting hurt through this but I guess one consequence is basing their self-worth on that position and should that status ever change (no longer the favorite) then they would be devastated. Randy
ReplyDeleteRandy, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry that this is happening to you in the workplace! I absolutely hate seeing bosses treating their employees differently. I know that if you continue to do what is right, God will honor you for that and bless you for it.
DeleteHi Brittany! Awesome article and convicting. My youth pastor growing up definitely showed favorites and I was never the favorite, and I still struggle with feeling alone when others seem to buddy up without me. Thank you for posting this. As a teacher this is a huge challenge.
ReplyDeleteEllie, thank you so much for sharing! I hate that this happened inside of the church. It is so hard when a Christian authority figure is playing favorites. I know that you are an amazing teacher who is setting a wonderful example for how a Christian authority figure should be treating young people!
DeleteBrittany,
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate this article and what you said. I also have experienced not being the favorite and sometimes I would feel upset and left out when people loved others more than they loved me. I can definitely relate to being left out. That happened alot in my youth group as well as in high school. It's something that I can say that I still struggle with. I think it's something that you'll never forget but only overcome by God's grace. Thank you for writing this article on favoritism it was a blessing!
Erica, I am so sorry that this happened to you. You are such a sweet person and a wonderful example of what a Christian should be. Thank you for not letting how people treated you affect how you treat others! I am so glad that the article was a blessing to you!
DeleteLovely article. I was a favorite student in many of my classes growing up. While I appreciated the positive reinforcement, I often wished that my teachers would not compliment me on a job well done in front of my peers because I would get ridiculed for it. The social impact of being favored was very difficult. Most people in my classes refused to be friends with me because I was a “goody-two-shoes” who was desperately trying to “get on every teacher’s good side.”
ReplyDeleteWhen I was teaching, I found that the students had a preprogrammed idea that the kids with the best grades were always the favorites. It’s so important to shatter that presupposition by showing every student the same love and kindness.
Alicia, thank you so much for sharing your story. Many people do not think about how the favorite is hurt in the sin of favoritism. I am so sorry that you had to go through that when you were a student, but I am so glad that you were able to break that conception when you were a teacher.
DeleteThis is a topic that authority figures should be confronted about more often. It is easy to have head knowledge that showing favorites is wrong, but the more we read and hear about it, the better. My youth pastor's wife told me to my face that I was not cool enough to hang out with and the other kids in my youth group followed her example. I don't hold bitterness against her, but it was a difficult time in my life. Keep writing!
ReplyDelete--Jessica
Jessica, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am amazed at how many people are telling me that they have experienced favoritism. I am so glad that you were able to get past it and learn what not to do as an adult.
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