Hurt People Help People
2:00 AM
Have you ever heard the saying, "Hurt people hurt people"? This saying insinuates that hurting people are more inclined to hurt other people rather than to help them. When someone makes a rude remark to you, it is often because of the fact that they are hurting themselves. I have seen this many times in my middle school classroom, as well as, among adults. If someone feels insecure about something in their life, they will try to make others feel that same insecurity. This is something to keep in mind when people are rude to you when you feel as if you have not done anything to deserve the remark that has been thrown your way. However, just because others hurt you does not mean that you have to hurt them back or hurt an innocent bystander. This vicious cycle of hurt can end with you.
The title of my article has a double meaning. First of all, we can either choose to hurt people, or we can choose to help people. Secondly, people who are hurting can actually help other people with what God taught them through their pain. I would like to introduce to you the concept of Hurt People Help People. In order to understand the person that seems to have something negative to say about someone else, we must first look at the three types of hurting people: people who are hurt by others, people who are hurt by circumstances, and people who are hurt by their own impossible standards.
Hurt by people
Sometimes, the ones who are hurting you and others were first hurt by other people. This can include the fact that others are mocking them for being different themselves, or this can include others just saying a cutting remark to them without even thinking about it. Our words can build others up, or our words can tear others down. The little rhyme that we so often said as kids, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me" could not be more wrong. According to Phrases.org, this song's earliest recorded use was from The Christian Recorder in March 1862. The full quote was the following:
Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never harm me. True courage consists in doing what is right, despite the jeers and sneers of our companions.
However, words hurt. They just do; however, I do agree with the quote in the fact that words can hurt us, but they do not have to break us. When we give our hurt to the Lord, he will help us through whatever it is that the world puts on us. So, how should we respond when people hurt us with their words? It is no secret that I am an English teacher who loves her students. I recently posed this question to my 7th and 8th graders about how to respond to others who hurt us with their words and I received two very mature responses:
We should try to respond with kindness. We should not try to be mean back. We should always just walk away. We could also use this as a chance to spread the Gospel. We could pray for them that they would accept Christ as their Savior. In the end, we should always forgive them. - one of my 7th grade boys
If someone treats you wrong, you should treat them right. In this life, we are to set an example and be Christlike. If someone is really rude to you, you should kill them with kindness. When we do this, people know that something is different about us. We can also pray for them because it is hard to dislike someone that you are praying for. - one of my 8th grade boys
Let me explain one thing that my 8th grade student mentioned. This concept of killing someone with kindness is a concept that our pastor has taught us many times. It is not the idea of actually murdering someone, but it is the idea that whenever someone is rude to you, you are to be extremely nice to them; that may include making them a cake, cutting their grass, writing them a card, or whatever else you can think of just to be a blessing.
Just as people can be hurt by words, they can also physically be hurt. Unfortunately, this category of hurt includes abuse. I want to preface this by saying, if someone tells you that they are being abused, you are morally and legally required to go to the authorities even if that person asks that you not tell anyone. You are not helping that person by staying silent while their life is in danger. Abuse can come in several forms including: neglect, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.
Recently, a young lady who I went to college with publicly shared her story of abuse.
This young lady is one of the sweetest people that I know. Although she was hurt by someone, she did not let it change her into the type of person that hurt other people; rather, she let it transform her into a person who truly cares for others. However, not everyone who sufferers abuse reacts in the same way as the lady that I know. Two common reactions for a victim of abuse is either to lash out at others or to seclude themselves from the world. Other people might even turn into the very thing that they promised themselves that they would never become. This is the very reason why it is vital that we not lash back out to the ones that hurt us. Other people are hurting, and unfortunately, it is sometimes because of abuse.
Not every hurting person is harmed by others; sometimes, people are hurt by circumstances in their life. This can include death of a friend or family member, disease, or divorce, and of course, many other situations. Although I have never experienced the impact of the last two, it is no secret that I have experienced the tragic loss of my younger brother. I will not go into the full story, but you can read about it more here. In short, grief is an excruciating pain that hits you like rolling waves. Suddenly, you must learn how to surf, or else you will drown. However, the Lord will not leave you gasping for air; He will enable you to get through whatever trial that you are facing in your life. When you are dealing with such a pain as this, you do not always feel like being nice to everyone. While some people may respond to this pain in their life by pointing others to Christ and being kind to people, others may not respond in the same way. If you are the one who is going through a hard time, then please remember that your testimony is more powerful now more than ever. How you treat others and what you say about God is what people will long remember. The following verse has brought me peace, and I hope that it will do the same for you:
For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. - Romans 8:18
When someone who is going through a tragic loss or some other circumstance in their life that they cannot change, it is essential that we try our best to understand where they are coming from and to pray for them.
Hurt by their own standards
Lastly, some people are not hurt by other people or by the circumstances in their life, but they are hurt by their own impossible standards that they have made for themselves. The people who expect great things from other people often expect greater things of themselves. Unfortunately, many times, they cannot meet the high expectations because they are impossible for any human being to meet. Whenever they do not meet their own expectations, they often lash out at other people as a way to cope with their own insecurity.
In conclusion, how we should respond and how we actually respond to people hurting us can be two very different things. First of all, we should pray for those who are hurting us. Although this is a very hard habit to start, whenever we finally get in the habit of doing so, it can be very beneficial for us. I have personally found that it is very hard to wish someone evil who is at the top of my prayer list. Secondly, we should try to put ourselves in their shoes. It is very difficult to think of this person as someone who has their own struggles, heartaches, and problems; however, they do. They are a person with the exact same vivid life as you. We must look at them as a person instead of a problem. Thirdly, as my 8th grade student said, we should kill them with kindness. Whether that is writing them a note in time of tragedy, baking them a cake, or maybe even giving them a gift card to somewhere that you know they like to eat or shop. The reason for the kindness is not to buy this person. The reason is not even to change their mind about you. The reason is to change your mind and heart about that person. In doing these things, we can end the vicious cycle of hurt.
Have you ever responded with kindness to a person who was rude to you? Share your story in the comments.
3 comments
Ever had that one person who just "rubs you the wrong way"? I did until I began to kill them with kindness. Every time this person came into the same room I instantly became upset. After many months of the same thing, I knew something had to change... At the time, I thought it should have been them to change, but it was me that needed to change. I heard a message that just convicted my heart to pray for this person. After sincerely praying for this person my attitude began to change when they walked in the room and I killed them with kindness. We eventually became very good friends! It's amazing to see the outcome of treating others the way you would like too be treated.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your story! It is amazing how the Lord works through these situations. I am so glad that you received a great friend through this!
DeleteExcellent perspective!
ReplyDelete