In honor of my and Andrew's six-month wedding anniversary, I decided to (finally) write an article on the subject of marriage. The truth is that you should be looking for many things when it comes to a soulmate, but I am only discussing five important traits that my husband embodies, and I have noticed that these traits have been tremendous blessing in our marriage.
Motivator
It is essential to find someone that pushes you to be the best that you can be. You need to find someone who will constantly encourage you in your Christian walk. The truth is that none of us ever reach a point in our Christian walk that we cannot go any further and we cannot get any closer to Christ. When looking for love, it is essential that your love for your spouse actually draws you closer to Christ. It is so easy to get distracted and to put this person above Christ; however, you must be careful to always put Christ first and to look for someone who motivates you to not only do your devotions, but to study your Bible and to continue to grow in your faith.
Not only is it important for your spouse to motivate you spiritually, but they also need to motivate you in every other aspect of life. Of course, you should motivate yourself and you should not need their constant motivation just to get off of the couch, but the idea is to look for someone who will help you become a better person in every single area of your life. If you are a teacher, they need to encourage you to be the best teacher that you can possibly be; if you are a business woman, they need to encourage you to be the absolute best that you can be at your job. Your soulmate should be constantly be motivating you to be the absolute best version of yourself.
It is essential to find someone that pushes you to be the best that you can be. You need to find someone who will constantly encourage you in your Christian walk. The truth is that none of us ever reach a point in our Christian walk that we cannot go any further and we cannot get any closer to Christ. When looking for love, it is essential that your love for your spouse actually draws you closer to Christ. It is so easy to get distracted and to put this person above Christ; however, you must be careful to always put Christ first and to look for someone who motivates you to not only do your devotions, but to study your Bible and to continue to grow in your faith.
Not only is it important for your spouse to motivate you spiritually, but they also need to motivate you in every other aspect of life. Of course, you should motivate yourself and you should not need their constant motivation just to get off of the couch, but the idea is to look for someone who will help you become a better person in every single area of your life. If you are a teacher, they need to encourage you to be the best teacher that you can possibly be; if you are a business woman, they need to encourage you to be the absolute best that you can be at your job. Your soulmate should be constantly be motivating you to be the absolute best version of yourself.
Supporter
When looking for a soulmate, it is a necessity for that person to be supportive. Whether you are starting your own business, staying at home and taking care of the house and kids, or you are going through the worst year of your life, you will need the support of your husband. If your spouse does not support you or care about your emotions now, they will not care when you get married. Many times people tend to think that their boyfriend or girlfriend will drastically change when they get married and everything will suddenly get better than how it is now; however, that is a lie that many are deceived into believing. The only thing that changes with marriage is the fact that you have vowed to God to be with this person until death. So, make sure that this is the person that you want to be with before you marry them.
Many of you know that this year has been incredibly rough on my family with the death of my younger brother and grandfather in a two-month span. It seemed as if life hit us all at once, and I could not have survived if I did not have the strong support of my husband. When you are down, it is incredibly important that the other person is right there to pick you up and to encourage them to continue going on. If you do not have that support, then you are truly better off if you never marry because, in essence, you already are alone, and there is no loneliness that compares to the loneliness of being surrounded by people of whom you cannot relate.
Similar Views
It is true that opposites attract; however, there must be a common bond that keeps you together. In some ways, my husband and I are opposite. He is a man; I am a woman. He is British; I am an American. He is tall; I am short. On the other hand, we are both Christians, homebodies, and huge cat fanatics. It is essential to have the same views on religion, politics, where to live, and children. When you mix a Christian with an atheist, you will get a strained marriage. Of course, there are some exceptions. Sometimes the Christian will be able to convert the atheist, but again, you should marry someone for who they are, not for how you think that you can change them.
Because you will not have the exact same view on everything, it is important to embrace the differences. The fact that my husband is British and I am an American actually brings many interesting conversations our way. For example, when we go to the grocery store, and someone gets road rage for a person not turning on their (blinker/indicator). Which (buggy/trolley) should we choose? Of course, we come back to the car to put our groceries in the (trunk/boot). These differences keep us constantly laughing, and they definitely make life interesting for us.
Selfless
When searching for a mate, it is incredibly important to find someone who is not narcissistic. It may be fun at first to make everything about them in the beginning, but when the newness of the relationship wears off and you want to express your thoughts and emotions, you will soon learn that they do not actually care. Of course, narcissism is an extreme on the opposite end of the spectrum.
In order to keep your marriage happy, you must compromise. Sometimes, this might actually include giving up the life that you once thought you wanted for the needs of your spouse. It says something about your spouse when they refuse to give up anything for you. If you are both in the will of God, He will not make your life a life that you hate. We must always put Christ first, our spouse second, and ourselves last.
Patient
Throughout the looking, dating, and engagement process, it is important for us to remain patient. It is also essential for us to find someone who is patient. Obviously, the Lord gives us the command to keep ourselves sexually pure until marriage. It is incredibly important to find someone who is willing to wait with you.
Even after you are married, the Lord sometimes makes you wait for some things. Sometimes, you must wait to buy a house. Maybe you have to wait to get pets because your apartment does not allow them. Later on in your marriage, the Lord may make you wait to have children. Waiting is a large part of life: it is your journey. You need to find a patient person who enjoys the journey with you, not someone who is always wishing for the next stage of life.
There are many more things that you should look for in a mate, but these are some of the traits that are important to me, and I have very much appreciated in my husband. When searching for someone with these traits, it is important to make sure that you are working on them as well. It is unfair to expect your spouse to perfect traits that you have never possessed.
What traits in a soulmate do you think are essential? Share in the comments.
When looking for a soulmate, it is a necessity for that person to be supportive. Whether you are starting your own business, staying at home and taking care of the house and kids, or you are going through the worst year of your life, you will need the support of your husband. If your spouse does not support you or care about your emotions now, they will not care when you get married. Many times people tend to think that their boyfriend or girlfriend will drastically change when they get married and everything will suddenly get better than how it is now; however, that is a lie that many are deceived into believing. The only thing that changes with marriage is the fact that you have vowed to God to be with this person until death. So, make sure that this is the person that you want to be with before you marry them.
Many of you know that this year has been incredibly rough on my family with the death of my younger brother and grandfather in a two-month span. It seemed as if life hit us all at once, and I could not have survived if I did not have the strong support of my husband. When you are down, it is incredibly important that the other person is right there to pick you up and to encourage them to continue going on. If you do not have that support, then you are truly better off if you never marry because, in essence, you already are alone, and there is no loneliness that compares to the loneliness of being surrounded by people of whom you cannot relate.
It is true that opposites attract; however, there must be a common bond that keeps you together. In some ways, my husband and I are opposite. He is a man; I am a woman. He is British; I am an American. He is tall; I am short. On the other hand, we are both Christians, homebodies, and huge cat fanatics. It is essential to have the same views on religion, politics, where to live, and children. When you mix a Christian with an atheist, you will get a strained marriage. Of course, there are some exceptions. Sometimes the Christian will be able to convert the atheist, but again, you should marry someone for who they are, not for how you think that you can change them.
Because you will not have the exact same view on everything, it is important to embrace the differences. The fact that my husband is British and I am an American actually brings many interesting conversations our way. For example, when we go to the grocery store, and someone gets road rage for a person not turning on their (blinker/indicator). Which (buggy/trolley) should we choose? Of course, we come back to the car to put our groceries in the (trunk/boot). These differences keep us constantly laughing, and they definitely make life interesting for us.
Selfless
When searching for a mate, it is incredibly important to find someone who is not narcissistic. It may be fun at first to make everything about them in the beginning, but when the newness of the relationship wears off and you want to express your thoughts and emotions, you will soon learn that they do not actually care. Of course, narcissism is an extreme on the opposite end of the spectrum.
In order to keep your marriage happy, you must compromise. Sometimes, this might actually include giving up the life that you once thought you wanted for the needs of your spouse. It says something about your spouse when they refuse to give up anything for you. If you are both in the will of God, He will not make your life a life that you hate. We must always put Christ first, our spouse second, and ourselves last.
Patient
Throughout the looking, dating, and engagement process, it is important for us to remain patient. It is also essential for us to find someone who is patient. Obviously, the Lord gives us the command to keep ourselves sexually pure until marriage. It is incredibly important to find someone who is willing to wait with you.
Even after you are married, the Lord sometimes makes you wait for some things. Sometimes, you must wait to buy a house. Maybe you have to wait to get pets because your apartment does not allow them. Later on in your marriage, the Lord may make you wait to have children. Waiting is a large part of life: it is your journey. You need to find a patient person who enjoys the journey with you, not someone who is always wishing for the next stage of life.
There are many more things that you should look for in a mate, but these are some of the traits that are important to me, and I have very much appreciated in my husband. When searching for someone with these traits, it is important to make sure that you are working on them as well. It is unfair to expect your spouse to perfect traits that you have never possessed.
What traits in a soulmate do you think are essential? Share in the comments.
